What Not to Do When Your Spouse Files for Divorce in California

Being served with a California divorce petition is a disorienting experience that provokes strong emotional reactions — anger, grief, fear, and sometimes a reflexive impulse to take immediate action. Some of those impulses lead to serious legal mistakes. The decisions made in the first days and weeks after service can significantly affect the course and outcome of the entire proceeding. This guide covers the most consequential mistakes to avoid — and what to do instead.

Do Not Ignore the Papers

The most damaging mistake a respondent can make is ignoring the petition and failing to file a response within 30 days of service. If you do not file a Response (FL-120) within 30 days, you are in default — and the petitioner can seek a default judgment that awards them the relief they requested in the petition without your input. Defaulted respondents lose the ability to contest property division, support, and custody. Respond within 30 days, even if you are not yet ready to fully engage with the case — filing a response preserves your rights while you retain counsel and develop your strategy.

Do Not Violate the ATROs

The moment you are served with the summons, the Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders under Family Code §2040 bind you. You are immediately prohibited from transferring, encumbering, or disposing of community property without your spouse's written consent or a court order; canceling or modifying insurance coverage; and taking the children out of California without consent or court order. Violating the ATROs is contempt of court and creates legal exposure that can affect every aspect of your case — not just the specific violation. Read the ATROs on the back of the summons (FL-110) carefully and comply with them from the moment of service.

Do Not Empty Joint Accounts

A common reflexive response to being served is to protect "your share" of the marital funds by withdrawing money from joint accounts. This violates the ATROs, breaches your fiduciary duty under Family Code §721, and creates an adverse inference that you are acting in bad faith. Courts regularly order restoration of improperly withdrawn funds and may impose sanctions and attorney fee awards as additional consequences. The appropriate response to concerns about a joint account is to consult an attorney and, if warranted, seek a court order — not to act unilaterally.

Do Not Make Major Financial Decisions Unilaterally

Major financial transactions — selling property, making large investments, taking on significant debt, making unusually large gifts — are all restricted by the ATROs from the moment of service. Even transactions that might seem reasonable in isolation become legally problematic when taken without consent or court order after the ATROs attach. Before making any significant financial decision after being served, consult with your attorney.

Do Not Use the Children as Weapons or Messengers

The impulse to protect your relationship with your children by involving them in the divorce conflict — sharing information about the legal proceedings, speaking negatively about your spouse, or using them to gather information — always backfires. Courts are highly attuned to parental conduct that puts children in the middle of adult conflict, and it is one of the factors most consistently cited in custody decisions against the parent who engages in it. Protect your custody position by keeping the children shielded from the conflict.

Do Not Post About the Divorce on Social Media

Everything you post on social media after being served is discoverable evidence in your divorce proceeding. Photographs, statements about your spouse, expressions of anger or relief, evidence of new relationships, and indications of your financial situation or lifestyle can all be used in the proceeding. The safest approach is to go dark on social media for the duration of the case or to post only neutral, family-appropriate content that cannot be weaponized.

Do Not Assume You Know What California Law Provides

Most people's understanding of divorce law comes from friends' experiences, popular media, and general cultural assumptions — none of which accurately reflect California family law. California's community property rules, spousal support framework, and custody standards have specific provisions that may produce very different results than you expect. Getting an accurate legal assessment of your specific situation — from an experienced California family law attorney — early in the proceeding is the most important step you can take.

What to Do Instead

Retain experienced legal counsel within the 30-day response period. Read and comply with the ATROs immediately. Gather copies of financial records while you still have access. Open an individual bank account for your future earnings. Maintain your existing parenting routines and document your involvement with the children. Communicate with your spouse about the children through written channels. And begin building the record that will support your positions on property, support, and custody throughout the proceeding.

Serving Orange County and Riverside County Respondents

Furubotten Law, APC represents respondents who have been served with divorce petitions throughout our service area. If you have been served, call (714) 795-3862 immediately — the 30-day response deadline is the most urgent date in your case.